Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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