So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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