what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
