Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize