She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
