i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How's work?
Spinning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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