Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
