Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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