last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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