My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
