So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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