if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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