meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Randomize
