I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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