I want to have your abortion
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
