At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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