and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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