Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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