Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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