His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
