I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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