Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
