The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize