is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
