My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
