1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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