I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
