my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
