Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
