your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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