i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
