u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
