so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
