party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
