you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
