so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's never too late to be topless.
As shirtless as possible
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
