I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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