We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
