Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
MIDGETS
????
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
