; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
