Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize