I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize