wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
