Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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