My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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