Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
