im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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