I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize