Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
