your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We smell like vodka and hangover
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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