My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
