yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
