The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
