'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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