benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
