oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize