He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
