i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
