it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
