Are we in a gay sports bar?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
