YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
