I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
