How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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