she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
