i permit you to call me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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