Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
