Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
