You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
