i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
