I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
