I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
