ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
