@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
