Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
