there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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