Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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