i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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