every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
