she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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