I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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