You work out of a Hotel?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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