Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
