Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
