I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
