I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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