If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
