put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize