tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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