Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
