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just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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