You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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