yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
