just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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