i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
