remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
