He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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