from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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